I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
