I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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