Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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