So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
