if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize