then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
