in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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