she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
