anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
