ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
