Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dick very happy bro
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
