a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
