Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
