i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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