My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just had sex on a roof
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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