I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
