There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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