Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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