im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize