Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
