24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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