Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
