So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
