I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
