You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
