If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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