M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
