His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
