please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
