Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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