ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
