Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
