So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
