making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
