we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Pooping to opera.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
