can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
