i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we're making bets on your personal life
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize