She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
