Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
