So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
