i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
