so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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