We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
