I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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