Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
