He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
