i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
