You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
