recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
