She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
