I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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