You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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