Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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