If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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