But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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