butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it glows. i had to have it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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