I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
