The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
