i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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