He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
