5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
