i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
