I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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