between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
