I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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