I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
