I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
