you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
