I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
