Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
