Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
