turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
