Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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