Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm having to shit out rocks
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