Can i not drive my cunt home
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
