honey bunches of taint.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
