we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
