Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize