she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
