I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
