do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
