Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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