I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
