Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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