a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
