so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize