Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She tied me up with her honor cords...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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