hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize