for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
