So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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