Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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