I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
