And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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