well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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