If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
