I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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