Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
