Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
