Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
