Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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